You’ve got back-to-backs all day.
The lunch you grabbed between meetings is still sitting cold on your desk.
And now, 20 minutes into this meeting, you’re wondering…
“Why am I even here?”
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
We hear it from our clients all the time especially leaders who’ve just stepped into more senior roles:
“We’re having more meetings, but getting less done.”
“I feel like I’m the only one trying to move things forward.”
“People show up physically, but they’re not really present.”
Meetings should be where good work starts.
But too often, they’re where energy and clarity goes to die.
The real reason meetings feel like a waste
Most of the work we deliver needs collaborative input from people across the business. But when the volume of meetings becomes overwhelming and there’s no time to reflect, leaders and teams get stuck in what we call “survival mode.”
I remember when I was a senior leader I would bounce from one meeting to the next with barely any time to think. I was often winging it and working on guess work; hoping I’d remember enough to add value to the meeting. Sometimes I’d drop the ball. Not because I didn’t care, but because I was overloaded and unprepared. I wasn’t leading from my best self. I was just trying to get through the day.
Here’s what’s going on under the surface:
Your brain craves clarity. When it doesn’t have it, it makes stuff up or flips.
A flipped brain has no access to your prefrontal cortex — the part of your brain that makes good decisions, collaborates, and sees the big picture.
So instead of showing up as a curious, capable leader…
You shut down. You interrupt. You avoid. You rail road.
Same goes for everyone else in the room.
The one question that changes the whole meeting
There’s one question I learned during my training in Conversational Intelligence that changed the way I run every meeting:
“What would make this meeting a 10 out of 10 for you?”
It’s deceptively simple and it works.
Why this question works so well
1. It gives everyone clarity from the start.
This isn’t just about “covering the agenda.” It’s about co-creating the purpose. When people name what matters to them, the group is connected around shared outcomes and misunderstandings disappear.
“For this meeting to be a 10/10, I need clarity on the delivery risks and a clear green light.”
Now you know what’s important and so do they.
2. It maximises engagement
When people are invited to speak up early it reduces the likelihood people won’t say anything and opens the door to broader participation.
“10/10 for me would be if we could learn more about Kay’s process before we make a decision.”
3. It increases psychological safety
When people share what they need to feel safe to make a contribution it makes it easier to create a more inclusive meeting.
“10/10 for me would be if we use the raise hand button.”
4. It creates shared responsibility.
Meetings stop being the responsibility of the organiser as everyone becomes accountable for the tone, experience and outcomes.
“10/10 means agreeing on a budget today. Bob’s expecting an email from me straight after.”
How to use it
Want to test it in your next team meeting? Here’s how:
- Open with the question. Go first to model what you mean.
- Capture answers. Use a whiteboard, shared doc, or simply jot them down.
- Revisit before wrapping up. Ask: “Did we hit 10/10 for you? If not, what’s missing?”
If something unexpected comes up, don’t ignore it.
Acknowledge the issue. Decide whether to address it now or schedule a follow-up. You’re not losing control; you’re building trust.
Meetings should energise, not drain
This one question won’t fix your whole culture overnight.
But it will start rewiring the way your team shows up and how you lead.
Because real leadership isn’t about having all the answers.
It’s about asking better questions that bring out the best in others.
Want help turning stuck meetings into strategic progress?
At Northern Value Creators, we help technical leaders transform the way they work.
Want to see what a 10/10 meeting could look like for your team? Or explore how our team reset sessions can unlock energy and focus without adding more meetings to your calendar.
